Navigating Faith Deconstruction: Healing After Leaving the Church in Pasadena and Los Angeles
As a female therapist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, many of my clients wrestle with their Christian faith or have chosen to leave the church entirely for a multitude of reasons.This transition is rarely simple, often stemming from complex experiences of spiritual pain, institutional betrayal, and an existential crisis. Some common reasons my clients seek out therapy support for include one or more of the following:
Spiritual abuse and high-control dynamics in the church: Experiencing authoritarian leadership, spiritual bypassing, manipulation, or rigid systems that expect compliance and silence over genuine connection and care
Purity culture and shame: Stress related to navigating dogmatic teachings around sexuality, gender roles, and the body that deepen shame, inappropriate guilt, and self-distrust.
Church scandals and institutional betrayal: Encountering moral failures in leadership, hypocrisy, or institutional cover ups around abuse, infidelity, or dishonesty among leadership which lead to disillusionment.
Theological Disagreements or Challenges: Grappling with contradictions, unanswered pain and suffering,
Religious trauma: Living with the impact of fear-based theology, high-pressure demands, and hypervigilance
Loss of community or isolation: Feeling alone in questioning any belief systems, feeling rejected when something is challenged, judgment, and sudden loss of relationships for various reasons
For many of my clients, leaving the church can be a huge identity and cultural loss that can leave you questioning your purpose and meaning in life. For a time, church might have been a ritual that established rhythm in the week and now the days bleed together. Some might feel an overwhelming sadness and untetheredness on the days that used to be spent at church. Oftentimes the church is a pillar in someone's life and when that pillar is gone, it can feel utterly destabilizing.
The Unspoken Grief of Leaving the Church
Leaving the church doesn’t just mean leaving a physical building. If you are navigating a similar experience, leaving the church can sometimes feel like your whole sense of community is gone. It can feel isolating and confusing to sift through. It can sometimes mean that you no longer have access to the friendships you once did because of it. It might mean that your elders that you once looked up to or asked for advice are no longer accessible to you. You might even wonder what it is you truly believe in and don’t anymore. This loss can hurt and feel like a lost limb at times and it is worth grieving.
No matter what your experience has been leaving the church, it takes courage to rebuild community, a sense of self, and identity.
Rebuilding Your Story, Spirituality, and Identity
One of the biggest parts of healing is making sense of your story. Piecing together what parts were good, where things went wrong and what led to your decision to leave is a crucial part of the healing journey. Naming the pain and hurt that you feel and experienced is part of this work. You don’t have to do it alone.
Another crucial part of this journey of leaving the church is rebuilding. Part of rebuilding can feel painful as you challenge once held beliefs about who you are or how you see the world. This is a part of the healing process and although good is on the other side, it can feel scary to begin this new venture.
Healing is Possible
Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and grief often comes out of nowhere when you least expect it. This is completely normal. Through making sense of your story, grieving what was lost and rebuilding a new sense of identity and community, you can heal and move forward in your life.
If you are someone that resonates with this pain of leaving the church, faith deconstruction, religious trauma, or church hurt in Pasadena (nearby Altadena, South Pasadena, Glendale, La Canada, La Crescenta, Sierra Madre), Highland Park (nearby Eagle Rock, Mount Washington, El Sereno, Glassel Park), or the greater Los Angeles area, you do not have to walk this journey alone. If you would like to have someone walk you through this healing journey, I invite you to reach out for a consultation at our Pasadena office, Highland Park office, and Los Angeles office in Koreatown to take a first gentle step toward healing.
About the Author
Elizabeth Yoshonis, AMFT #157277, a female therapist who works under supervision, offering at religious trauma therapy, spiritual abuse recovery, faith deconstruction, therapy for moms, and couples therapy at Oak and Stone Therapy at both the Pasadena office, Highland Park office, and virtually across California. Elizabeth also helps individuals, couples, men, and women to recover from trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship issues.
