Discernment counseling

for couples who are uncertain about their future and not ready for couples therapy

Teletherapy

We offer in-person discernment counseling at our Los Angeles office in Koreatown, Highland Park office, and Pasadena office, serving Highland Park, Eagle Rock, Mount Washington, DTLA, Silverlake, South Pasadena, La Canada, La Crescenta, San Marino and the greater Los Angeles area. Virtual sessions are also available for clients in California, Washington, and select international locations via a HIPAA-compliant platform.

Information

Asian Therapist for Couples in Los Angeles & Pasadena, California

Serving Highland Park, Los Angeles, & Pasadena

DISCERNMENT THERAPY

Discernment therapy is a short-term, structured approach designed for couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on resolving ongoing issues, discernment therapy helps couples gain clarity and understanding so they can make an informed, collaborative decision about whether to stay together or separate. The goal is not reconciliation, but rather to support both partners in exploring their perspectives, understanding the relationship dynamics, and determining the best path forward—whether that means committing to work on the relationship or moving toward a respectful ending.

At Oak and Stone Therapy in Highland Park, Los Angeles / Koreatown, and Pasadena, our couples therapists offer a secure environment for couples to better understand their emotions, fears, and concerns without persuading them toward a particular decision.

You and your partner may benefit from discernment therapy if:

You’re in a relationship where one person is leaning strongly toward ending the relationship and the other is interested in reconciliation

You or your partner are questioning the relationship due to complex issues like infidelity, trust breaches, or longstanding conflicts.

You and your partner are unsure about whether to continue the relationship

You or your partner are needing a safe space to navigate difficult conversations about whether you want to stay and work on the relationship, or move forward toward a healthy separation.

*Offerings also include pre-marital therapy, couples counseling, and parenting support, and individual therapy.

Frequently Asked Questions

In-person therapy at our Highland office, with nearby offices in Pasadena and Los Angeles Office in Koreatown. Virtual therapy across California and Washington State.

  • Discernment counseling is a short-term approach for couples when one partner is leaning out of the relationship and the other wants to save it. Instead of trying to fix the relationship right away, it helps both partners gain clarity and confidence about what to do next. It was developed by Dr. Bill Doherty at the University of Minnesota.

  • Discernment counseling is for couples with mixed feelings about the future, often when one partner is considering separation or divorce and the other hopes to stay together. It can also help when both partners feel unsure, when trust has been broken, or when past couples therapy didn't help.

  • Couples therapy assumes both partners want to work on the relationship. Discernment counseling comes first: it helps you decide whether to try. There's no pressure to fix the relationship during discernment counseling. If you both decide to work on it, we can help you move into couples therapy.

  • Discernment counseling typically takes one to five sessions. You and your partner decide after each session whether to continue, and the process ends once you have the clarity you need to choose a direction.

  • Each session includes time with both partners together and time with each partner individually. The partner who is leaning out explores their doubts and what they would need, and the partner who is leaning in explores how to respond without pushing their partner away. Both partners reflect on their own part in the relationship's problems.

  • Discernment counseling leads to one of three paths: keep the relationship as it is for now, move toward separation or divorce, or commit to six months of couples therapy with divorce off the table. Any of these is a valid outcome. The goal is clarity and confidence, not a particular decision.

  • Yes. After infidelity, one partner may be unsure whether they can rebuild trust or want to stay. Discernment counseling gives both partners space to understand what happened and decide whether to commit to affair recovery in couples therapy.

  • Yes. Discernment counseling is designed for both partners, including the one who is leaning out. If your partner isn't willing to come, individual therapy can help you sort through your options and decide what to do next.

  • Discernment counseling isn't the right fit when there is domestic violence, when either partner feels unsafe, or when one partner is being pressured to attend. It's also less helpful if one partner has already made a final decision to divorce. If any of these apply, we'll talk with you about safer and more helpful options.

  • We offer discernment counseling in person at our Pasadena, Highland Park, and Koreatown offices, and online for couples located in California. Online sessions can be a good option when partners want privacy or live in different parts of the state.