Navigating Special Needs Parenting: Therapy for Families in Pasadena and Los Angeles
For most families navigating parenting a child with special needs, parenting is a wild adventure filled with unexpected challenges, deeply personal experiences, and sometimes intense emotion. In my work as a therapist supporting families at the Pasadena office (nearby Altadena, La Canada, La Crescenta, South Pasadena, Sierra Madre, and South Pasadena) as well as the Los Angeles office in Koreatown (nearby Hancock Park, Mid-Wilshire, Hollywood, Silverlake, Los Feliz, and DTLA) at Oak and Stone Therapy, I often hear from parents who are navigating the immense, and at times overwhelming, realities of raising a child with special needs—whether managing chronic medical illness, severe physical disabilities, or neurodiversity such as Autism and ADHD.
When your child receives their first diagnosis, you as a parent are ushered into new worlds of doctors, therapists, specialists, and special education teachers. Each world has its own language, rules, and schedules. It can be challenging to hold it all together.
Oftentimes, the impact of your child’s special needs will be felt by every member of your family in unique ways. And not only that, but each and every family relationship can be affected, too. You might notice that your marriage becomes strained trying to carry more responsibilities, stress, and uncertainty. Sibling relationships bend to accommodate differences –- an older sibling might take on mature responsibilities or feel the emotional weight of uneven attention. They may feel like they cannot bring any additional stress into the household. Extended family relationships shift, and it can become difficult to do family holidays together when your parents or siblings don’t understand the accommodations built into your life. And, random people might even offer well-meaning advice that inadvertently creates distance rather than support.
Support for Parents of Children with chronic medical illness, physical disabilities, or neurodiversity such as Autism or ADHD
If you are like any of my clients who have been parenting a child or children with special needs, I hope you know that you are championing your child’s uniqueness, advocating for your child’s services, and deftly managing your entire family’s complex schedules and ever-changing emotional needs. More often than not, it’s likely you have been doing this while being misunderstood and feeling isolated by the differences between your parenting experience and others. It’s not surprising to me that you might feel completely exhausted.
One of the first things I focus on in our therapy work is providing a consistent time and place where your own experience is seen, heard, and understood. The demands of parenting a child with special needs are very high, so ensuring that parents like you are emotionally supported is a crucial part of health for the entire family.
It’s understandable that you as a parent of a child with special needs are often focused on getting and maintaining support for your children. However, your wellness as a parent is the foundation for the whole family. The benefit of therapeutic support for parents like you has a tremendous positive impact on everyone.
What Parents of Children with Special Needs Often Describe in Therapy
Overwhelm from managing your child’s educational, medical, and therapeutic services
“Just get a binder with tabs and keep all their notes and services in one place!”
“Least restrictive environment, special accommodations, appropriate placement…” Sometimes special education jargon makes you want to throw that binder with tabs across the room.
A thousand appointments, all during the middle of the day, assuming you will be available
Loneliness when your friends cannot relate
When your friends can all get together because their kids can just “chill at home” on their own but your child needs a parent with them.
Photos of camping trips and amusement park days, all of which may be logistically untenable for your family
Frustration at a world that was not built to accommodate your child and your family
Constantly wondering if there is something in a new environment that will trigger your child
Needing to check in advance if locations have necessary accommodations
The stares, personal questions, and advice of strangers
Grief for the parenting experience you thought you would have
Emotions that creep up on you when the school picture doesn’t come out well
Moments when you realize that your child’s childhood looks very differently than yours did
Anxiety about your child’s future
What will happen if I can no longer care for my child with special needs?
Will my child grow up to be happy?
Distress in your marriage
When you and your partner become coworkers and case managers
When your partner responds to stress very differently than you do
Concern for your other children
Are my other children getting overlooked?
Do my other children think they have to be perfect and not take up any time or space?
Do my other children have resentment towards their sibling with special needs?
Being misunderstood by your own parents, extended family and/or friends
“You just need to be more firm with your child.”
“Have you tried this? Have you read this?”
Comparisons between your child and another child with special needs that is nothing like your child
Being Understood and Understanding Yourself
It can be a game-changer to have a safe space in therapy to explore how the high demands of parenting impact you, given your unique way of engaging with the world. My clients often discover that the shape of their own childhoods profoundly affects their parenting. Together, we can uncover patterns in your response to stress and develop strategies for emotional regulation, so that you can be empowered to parent the way that you want for yourself, your child, and your family.
What aspect of parenting your child with special needs is particularly difficult for you?
How do you respond when you feel overwhelmed?
How do people in your family and in your child’s support team respond to you?
It is a sign of strength and wisdom when parents like you make the decision to get support for yourself. This can lead to more cooperation within the family, partnership in marriage, capacity to engage your child’s support systems, and a greater sense of peace amidst a full life.
Disability, Neurodiversity, and Special Needs are Part of the Whole Family and Community
As a former special education teacher, I know deeply that disability, neurodiversity, and special needs are a vibrant part of our shared and diverse community. In fact, every single one of us experiences life somewhere within the complex range of ability and disability. If we have not experienced some type of differing ability already through injury, neurodiversity, genetic disposition, aging, or illness, sometime in our lives, we will.
It is the job of the whole community to recognize the value and importance of these differences. Your role as a parent of a child with special needs is hugely important, and offering support to parents in this way is very close to my heart.
Reach Out for a Free Consultation to Start your Therapy Journey
If you’re wondering whether therapy might be a good fit for you, or for you and your partner as you parent a child with special needs, including ADHD, Autism, chronic illness, and disabilities together, I’d be happy to talk with you about what you’re experiencing and answer any questions you may have. I provide individual therapy ,couples therapy, and marriage counseling in-person at the Pasadena office (serving Altadena, La Canada, La Crescenta, South Pasadena, Sierra Madre, and South Pasadena) as well as the Koreatown office (serving Hancock Park, Mid-Wilshire, Hollywood, Silverlake, Los Feliz, and DTLA).
Feel free to reach out to me, Sarah Ling, AMFT #165464, an associate marriage and family therapist working under supervision, to schedule a free 15-minute consultation!
About the Author
Sarah Ling, M.S., AMFT #165464, is an Asian American (Chinese/Taiwanese) associate marriage and family therapist working under licensed supervision at Oak and Stone Therapy for individuals, parents, couples, and families navigating special needs parenting, chronic medical conditions, ADHD, Autism, anxiety, relationship challenges, and intergenerational trauma in Pasadena and Los Angeles. She offers in-person individual therapy, couples therapy, and family therapy at the Pasadena office—nearby Altadena, La Canada, La Crescenta, South Pasadena, and Sierra Madre—as well as the Los Angeles office in Koreatown—convenient to Hancock Park, Mid-Wilshire, Hollywood, Silverlake, Los Feliz, and DTLA—along with online telehealth sessions throughout California.
