The Deep Dark Scaries of Motherhood: Postpartum Mental Health, Anxiety and Self-Care
Picture this: It’s 5:30 am and you’re startled awake, not by your alarm or your partner, but your child screaming from the other room that they're hungry. You start to peel yourself out of bed. Your tank is already running on empty and the day has just begun. You barely have the energy to make it to the bathroom to face yourself in the mirror. When you look at the person in the reflection, you don’t recognize yourself. This person has dark circles under her eyes. Their hair hasn’t been brushed. They have the wear of the day before on their clothes.
“What’s the use” you whisper to yourself. You decide to put your needs on pause again and toddle out to the kitchen to make breakfast and face the day. Beneath the surface, high-functioning postpartum anxiety and quiet perfectionism may be driving you to keep up appearances even when your nervous system is in constant overdrive. But what you wish you could do is sleep for a few months.
When living with postpartum anxiety, you might be constantly plagued by questions like:
“Am I doing this right?”
“Am I a good mom?”
“Who am I now?”
“Is this normal?”
Deconstructing Mom Guilt: You Aren’t Alone
Motherhood can feel isolating. You might sometimes wonder if something is wrong with you because it appears every other mother you know is getting on just fine. These are the types of lies and perfectionist expectations that keep us suffering in silence and deconstructing mom guilt is the first step toward relief. At Oak and Stone Therapy’s Pasadena office—nearby South Pasadena, Altadena, La Canada— many mothers face these exact same challenges, and reaching out to a local maternal mental health therapist can make all the difference.
Practical Steps Toward Somatic Regulation and Healing As a New Mom
Put your oxygen mask on first:
When you’re traveling by plane, during those bothersome announcements before the flight, the flight attendant goes over safety precautions. What you will always hear them say, when it comes to oxygen, is to put your own oxygen mask on first. Because if you are not able to breathe, you cannot help anyone else breathe! This applies to motherhood. Prioritizing somatic and nervous system regulation through gentle breathwork, grounding, nourishing food, sleep, and maternal mental health therapy approaches such as Brainspotting, allows you to reset your system so you can show up for yourself and your family.
Ask for Help
Making sure you get a meal and some rest might sound impossible! If you are struggling to care for yourself, enlist some help. Is there a friend or a family member that you can reach out to for support? Can you ask your parents to bring you a meal or hold the baby while you rest? Is there a good friend that could come help you get caught up on laundry? Sometimes asking for help is the hardest part but I think you’ll find there are people who would love to care for you.
The “Good Enough” Parent
This one is key. The “good enough mother” was a term coined by pediatrician D.W. Winnicott to express that for a child to thrive, a parent need not be perfect—rather, they need only to be good enough. This looks like showing up for your child and providing care predictably and consistently while letting go of unrealistic perfectionism. If you are struggling with maternal burnout, high-functioning postpartum anxiety, or depression, know that you are enough and help is available.
Take the First Gentle Step Toward Healing
If you finding yourself struggling as a new mom, you do not have to navigate this season alone. I invite you to explore our Therapy For Moms services at Oak and Stone Therapy and feel free to schedule a consultation with me at the Pasadena office—nearby South Pasadena, La Cañada, San Marino, or Altadena, or Highland Park office—nearby Eagle Rock, Mount Washington, and DTLA, to take the first step toward healing and reconnecting with yourself.
About the Author
Elizabeth Yoshonis, AMFT #157277, a maternal mental health therapist who works under supervision, offering postpartum therapy for postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, birth trauma, infertility, pregnancy loss, and women’s issues at Oak and Stone Therapy at both the Pasadena office, Highland Park office, and virtually across California. She helps mothers navigate the stressors of perinatal and postpartum life, raising young children, burnout, marriage stress, and life transitions.
