Talking About Mental Health in Asian Families: Why It’s So Hard

Many of us in the Asian diaspora grow up with very different understandings of mental health than our parents. One of the most common things I hear from clients when they try to talk to family about how they’re feeling is, “Life is hard for everyone,” or “You’re too sensitive.”

In some families, struggle is seen as strength. Staying quiet is seen as being strong. So when we name our pain or say something isn’t working, it can feel like we’re being ungrateful or weak. But that doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong.

So how do we care for our mental health when the people around us might not be able to acknowledge what we’re going through?

Why Families Might Minimize Mental Health Struggles

Families often fear change
In therapy, we talk about how families tend to maintain a sense of balance. When you start paying attention to your mental health or changing the way you engage with others, that can shift long-standing family dynamics. Sometimes loved ones push back. It doesn’t always mean they don’t care. Often, it’s just that change feels unfamiliar or threatening.

That kind of resistance usually says more about the family system than about you. Recognizing that can help you stop blaming yourself for their reactions.

Cultural stigma runs deep
In many Asian families, mental health is something to be dealt with quietly. You push through. You endure. You keep things to yourself. Struggling emotionally can feel like a threat to the image of strength or harmony that the family has worked hard to uphold.

There’s also often this unspoken idea that the older generation’s suffering sets the standard. You may hear something like, “Your parents survived war or immigration. What do you have to complain about?” That kind of message may be intended to inspire toughness, but it can leave you feeling like your pain doesn’t count.

The silence meant to protect us can sometimes become the very thing that keeps us feeling isolated.

What You Can Do If Your Family Doesn’t Understand

Set emotional boundaries
Emotional boundaries are a way to protect your mental and emotional space. You don’t need your family’s validation in order to trust your own experience. You are allowed to honor how you feel and take care of yourself, even if others don’t get it.

Setting a boundary might look like being thoughtful about what you share and who you share it with. It might mean saying less to people who don’t respond with empathy. Or it could mean reminding yourself that your worth isn’t tied to whether your family understands what you're going through.

Find people who do understand
Your support system doesn’t have to be limited to your family. Community can be found through friendships, mentorships, and therapy. You might start with something simple, like saying, “I’ve been having a hard time lately. Do you have space to talk?” Then notice how the person responds. Do they hold space for you? Do you feel seen?

Therapy can also be a safe place to talk through what you’re experiencing. At Oak and Stone Therapy, we work with many clients navigating cultural expectations, intergenerational tension, and the feeling of being stuck between worlds. We get how layered this is, and we’re here to support you.

You deserve care that understands both your emotional experience and the cultural context you live in.

If you're ready to take the next step, our team offers free consultations. Reach out and let’s talk about how we can help.

About the Author

Nancy Denq, LMFT is a Taiwanese Mandarin-speaking licensed marriage and family therapist #146636 at Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. Nancy specializes in relationship therapy, premarital counseling, discernment therapy, and couples therapy with Asian American and other minority individuals and couples who are high-functioning but emotionally disconnected, experiencing high conflict, stuck in avoidant and pursuer dynamics, couples in transition, and high-achieving but busy professionals, intercultural or interfaith couples, and couples healing from betrayal looking for a supportive space to improve communication and deepen their connection.