How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

Why You Need Self-Regulation in Relationships

Relationships

Jul 1

Written By Hatty J. Lee

A photo of a polaroid image that says "and breathe" to symbolize the importance of self-regulation for Asian Americans

You did it. You used those healthy communication skills. The “I” statements, the active listening, the not-interrupting… It wasn’t easy because you were still pissed off, but you (the mature person that you are) did it anyway, just like your friend, therapist, or even ChatGPT advised.

So why did your partner still react the same way?

Things were supposed to change when you acted differently, right?

The Purpose of Self-Regulation in a Relationship

Before continuing further, let’s identify your role in the relationship. You’re responsible for managing your own behaviors and feelings. When you’re regulated, you’re better able to show up in your relationship as the partner you know you can be.

And I know it can be so infuriating. Even after all that hard work, your partner might still show up similarly as before, triggering you into dysregulation again. So what are you supposed to do?

Well, it might not feel satisfying in the moment, but you can regulate yourself again. Emotion regulation isn’t for your partner—it’s for you. The empowering but hard truth is this: you can stay regulated and create safety for yourself regardless of how your partner is behaving. And being calm and regulated simply feels better—not for your partner, but for you.

For expats, third culture kids, and Asian Americans, self-regulation can be even more layered. Many of us grew up in cultures or families where expressing emotion wasn’t encouraged, or where conflict was either avoided or intensified. So learning to regulate now might feel unfamiliar—but it’s deeply healing, especially in relationships where cross-cultural misunderstandings or unspoken expectations often arise.

How to Self-Regulate

It’s incredibly difficult to regulate in the middle of an intense argument. If the argument gets too intense, take a step back to self-regulate. Inform your partner that you don’t feel like you can engage well and that you will need some time away to better re-connect. Offer a timeframe (e.g. in 5 min, 30 min, 1 hour), so it doesn’t seem like you are entirely avoiding the conversation.

Of course, it’s crucial to be intentional with that time. This is not a time to distract yourself, but a time to calm your nervous system.

Here’s a simple but effective breathing exercise:

Get yourself in a comfortable space and body posture.
Take two sharp inhales through your nose.
Hold for a second or two.
And slooooowly exhale with your mouth.
Repeat another 5 times or until you feel calmer.

Once you’re more regulated, you can engage with more agency instead of reactivity.

Therapy (Both Individual or Couples!) Can Help You

Gain insights into the origins of your emotional and behavioral patterns
Manage your own feelings without taking responsibility for your partner’s
Practice effective coping skills
Create safety in the relationship
Be the partner you want to be

Whether you're living abroad and navigating cultural differences in your partnership, grew up moving between cultures as a third culture kid, or are part of a bicultural relationship as an Asian American, therapy can help you feel more grounded and understood.

Conclusion

Self-regulation is essential for a thriving relationship. By no means is it the only component of a healthy relationship. However, being regulated will help both you and your partner better communicate and connect the way that you want to.

When conflict arises, you can protect the relationship from further spiraling into a damaging cycle.

If you’re feeling disconnected and having difficulty staying regulated in your relationship, you don’t have to go through that alone. At Oak and Stone Therapy, we work with expats in Asia, third culture individuals, and Asian American couples and individuals who want to build safer, more connected relationships.

Reach out for a free consultation.

We’re here to help you stay steady, no matter where you are in the world.

Image of Asian male therapist Samuel Kim, LMFT who is the author of this blog post

About the Author

Samuel Kim, LMFT #141541 is an Asian licensed marriage and family therapist at Oak and Stone Therapy. He offers online therapy services tailored for individuals and couples across Los Angeles, the San Francisco Bay area, and expats living abroad in Asia, Latin America, & Europe. Samuel focuses on supporting adult children of immigrants, third culture kids, and expats navigating cross-cultural contexts, anxiety, imposter syndrome, family of origin traumas, burnout, and relationship challenges for couples.

Asian American therapyRelationship CounselingAsian Therapist

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com