How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

Why Ghosting Isn’t the Easy Way Out—Especially for Asian Americans

Relationships

May 16

Written By Hatty J. Lee

Ghosting is the practice of cutting off communication with someone without explanation. It has become common in the online dating world. But while it might feel like an easy out, it often causes real harm, and for many Asian Americans and children of immigrants, it may also reflect deeper relational patterns shaped by our upbringing.

Let’s be honest: ghosting isn’t just about “not responding.”
It’s also:

Ignoring someone’s efforts to reach out
Making up dishonest excuses for pulling away
Avoiding closure because it feels too uncomfortable

Many of us grew up in families where conflict was avoided, feelings were downplayed, or emotional conversations were rare. Maybe our parents didn’t model direct communication because they were surviving immigration stress, intergenerational trauma, or simply never learned how. So we internalized the message: just stay quiet, don’t cause waves, let things fade away.

But here’s the thing—that avoidance can easily carry into our adult relationships.

Why You Might Be Ghosting — and What It’s Costing You

Maybe you hate conflict.
You’re not alone. Many Asian Americans struggle with guilt, people-pleasing, or a fear of disappointing others — all common among children of immigrants. So, instead of saying something hard, we ghost. But this doesn’t protect anyone. It leaves people confused and magnifies their insecurities.

Maybe you’ve been taught that silence speaks for itself.
You might think you're being clear by just pulling away, but that silence often leads to more pain—not less. Without context, the other person is left to make up their own explanations, often blaming themselves.

Maybe you think it’s kinder.
Ending something quickly, without conversation, might seem “gentler” than telling someone you’re not interested. But ghosting often leads to deeper hurt. People may keep reaching out, unsure if you’re busy, angry, or hurt. They relive the rejection over and over.

Maybe you’re disconnected.
You’ve been through enough to feel jaded or emotionally shut down — vulnerability doesn’t come easy. But without that capacity for honesty and discomfort, building authentic relationships will always feel out of reach.

Research Shows Ghosting Hurts More Than You Think

A study on breakups (https://www.academia.edu/1467823/Attachment_breakup_strategies_and_associated_outcomes_The_effects) found that ghosting and avoidance are among the most harmful ways to end a relationship. It creates the residue of pain, unresolved questions, and lasting relational distrust.

Of course, there are exceptions—like when someone has been disrespectful or your safety is at risk. In those cases, boundaries and distance are necessary and can be an a clear way to communicate your boundaries. But for many of us, ghosting isn’t a boundary — it’s a pattern of avoiding discomfort we were never taught to handle.

What You Can Do Instead

You don’t owe anyone an elaborate explanation, but you can be honest and kind:

“Hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t feel this is the right fit. Wishing you the best.”
“I need to step away from dating right now and focus on myself. I just want to be upfront.”

These short messages provide clarity, closure, and dignity—for you and them.

What Would You Have Wanted?

If you've ever been ghosted, you probably wished for:

The truth
Some kind of closure
Not being left guessing or blaming yourself

So the next time you're tempted to ghost, ask yourself:
"What would I want someone to do for me?"

It takes courage to break inherited patterns. It takes courage to be honest. But courage is something we can grow into — especially when we’ve spent a lifetime learning how to stay silent.

Image of founder, entrepreneur, and Asian Therapist Hatty J. Lee

Meet the AUthor

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she supports Asian Americans and children of immigrants how to deepen their relationship with themselves and others, especially in the world of online dating. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.

Asian American TherapyAsian TherapistRelationship Counseling

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com