How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

It’s Okay to Mess Up—Just Own It

For You

May 17

Written By Hatty J. Lee

So many of us spend a lot of time in the defensive zone in our relationships—especially when we’re being called out or held accountable.

It’s uncomfortable. It touches our pride, our fear of being misunderstood, and our longing to feel like we’re good and lovable.

But sometimes, we need to make space for that quiet inner voice that gently says:
“It’s okay to mess up… just own up to it.”

Mistakes Don’t Make You Unworthy

Owning our mistakes and imperfections doesn’t mean we’re bad, unworthy, or incapable of being a good partner, friend, employee, or family member. It just means we’re human.

In fact, taking responsibility is one of the most powerful ways to build trust and deepen connection. When we own our actions with humility, we create space for real healing—both for ourselves and for the people we care about.

What Not to Do When You're Confronted

When we make a mistake, our natural reaction might be to:

Get defensive
Say “That’s not what I meant” or “You’re overreacting”
Shut down and spiral into shame
Blame the other person to avoid accountability

These responses may protect our ego in the short term, but they undermine trust and create more disconnection in the relationship.

What to Say Instead: Examples of Meaningful Repair

Owning your impact doesn’t mean abandoning your truth—it means making room for someone else’s experience, too. Here are some ways to respond when you want to show up with accountability:

When someone tells you they’re hurt:

“I hear you. I didn’t realize that impacted you that way, and I want to better understand it.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention, but I take responsibility for how that felt.”
“Thank you for being honest with me. I’m listening—and I’m not going to make this about me right now.”

When you recognize your mistake:

“I can see where I went wrong. I want to be more mindful of that moving forward.”
“I acted out of my own stress or fear, and I see now that it hurt you. I’m really sorry.”
“I’ve noticed this pattern in myself—and I’m working on it. This feedback matters.”

When you want to repair and grow:

“What could I have done differently that would’ve felt more supportive to you?”
“Would it help if I followed up with you about this after I’ve had time to reflect?”
“I want to be more intentional next time—does this sound like a better way to approach it?”

When shame tempts you to shut down:

“Part of me wants to get defensive right now, but I know that won’t help us.”
“It’s hard to hear that I hurt you, but I want to stay here and own it.”
“I’m feeling the urge to shut down, but this matters to me—so I’m staying in the conversation.”

Owning It Builds Trust

You don’t have to be perfect to be loved or respected.
But you do have to be accountable if you want to build meaningful, healthy relationships.

Owning your mistake doesn’t diminish your worth—it strengthens your integrity.
And that small voice inside you—the one reminding you to be honest, not perfect?
It’s worth listening to.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is a Korean American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she provides therapy in person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. Many of her clients identify as Asian American creatives, including actors, writers, celebrities, and producers in the entertainment industry. She shares mental health insights on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com