How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

When One of You Has ADHD: What Couples Therapy Reveals

ADHD

Dec 19

Written By Hatty J. Lee

Neurodivergent couple connecting after a therapy session in Los Angeles, Pasadena, and the Bay Area

Being in a relationship where one partner has ADHD can be deeply loving—and deeply frustrating. Many of the couples we see at Oak & Stone Therapy come in because their bond is strong, but the daily misunderstandings, emotional disconnection, or resentment have become too much to ignore.

Melissa Orlov, author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage, puts language to something many of our clients feel but haven’t been able to explain. She writes about the invisible patterns that form between ADHD and non-ADHD partners: one person feels consistently overlooked, the other feels chronically misunderstood. Over time, this dynamic can chip away at intimacy.

“It Feels Like We’re in Different Worlds”

One of the most common things we hear from non-ADHD partners is, “I just want to feel like I matter.” They’re often the ones managing logistics, carrying the emotional labor, or keeping the household running. But it’s more than just tasks—it’s the experience of feeling alone in the relationship.

On the other side, ADHD partners often come in saying, “I never get it right,” or “I’m trying, but it’s never enough.” Many grew up hearing that they were careless or too much, and now, in their relationship, they feel like they’re constantly disappointing the person they love most.

Therapy is the space where both of those experiences get to be true—and finally seen.

Unpacking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck

Often, we work with couples caught in a reactive loop. The non-ADHD partner feels ignored or hurt, so they become more controlling or critical. The ADHD partner, feeling micromanaged, becomes defensive or disengaged. Resentment builds. Intimacy fades. Neither person is trying to harm the other, but both feel alone in the cycle.

In therapy, we slow down the story. We explore the meaning underneath missed appointments, unfinished conversations, or emotional outbursts. We talk about how ADHD affects time, attention, and memory—not because the person doesn’t care, but because their brain processes the world differently.

We also name the grief—on both sides. The grief of wanting your partner to “just get it.” The grief of feeling like you’re never quite enough. That part matters too.

ADHD Symptoms Are Not Excuses—but They Are Context

We help couples differentiate between intention and impact. Just because someone didn’t mean to forget your birthday doesn’t mean the hurt isn’t real. And just because something hurt doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you.

That’s where accountability and compassion meet.

The goal isn’t to eliminate ADHD symptoms—it’s to create a system of mutual understanding, tools that work for your dynamic, and communication that feels respectful to both of you.

We often hear couples say, “I feel like I finally have a map now.” When we name the role ADHD plays—not just individually but relationally—it becomes possible to shift out of blame and into repair.

Therapy Can Help You:

Understand how inattention, time blindness, or emotional dysregulation impact the relationship
Rebuild trust that’s been eroded by inconsistency or past conflict
Create shared systems of accountability that don’t rely on just one partner doing the emotional labor
Strengthen emotional safety and intimacy—even during tough moments
Learn how to fight fair, communicate clearly, and reconnect meaningfully

And maybe just as importantly: therapy can help you laugh again, soften toward each other, and remember why you chose each other in the first place.

A Path Forward

You don’t need a perfect relationship. But if you’ve been feeling like you’re always on different pages, therapy can help you learn how to read each other again—slowly, with kindness.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she specializes in Asian American mental health and understands the nuances of ADHD therapy and how it impacts neurodivergent couples. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.

Couples TherapyADHD SupportNeurodivergent Relationships

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com