How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

Your First Experience of Love: How Family of Origin Shapes Your Relationships

Relationships

Mar 16

Written By Hatty J. Lee

Our first experience of love begins at home—long before we have the words to describe it. It’s in the way we’re held, spoken to, soothed, or left alone. It’s in the way our parents fought, made up, or stayed distant. These early moments quietly shape how we understand love, connection, and safety.

The dynamics we observe and participate in with our family members — whether nourishing or neglectful — create a blueprint for love. This foundation influences how we trust, how we communicate, and how we navigate intimacy in adulthood.

Attachment Theory and the Impact of Early Relationships

From the moment we're born, our interactions with our caregivers help us form what psychologists call attachment styles — emotional patterns that shape how we relate to others.

The Four Main Attachment Styles

Secure Attachment: Formed when caregivers are consistently warm, responsive, and emotionally attuned. These individuals tend to trust easily and feel safe in close relationships.
Anxious Attachment: Stemming from inconsistent caregiving, this style often leads to clinginess, fear of abandonment, and a deep need for reassurance.
Avoidant Attachment: Develops when emotional needs are dismissed or minimized. These individuals may appear independent, but often struggle with vulnerability and emotional closeness.
Disorganized Attachment: A result of chaotic, frightening, or abusive caregiving. Relationships may feel confusing or unsafe, and emotions are often hard to regulate.

These styles are not labels — they’re starting points. And they can shift with self-awareness, healing, and secure relationships later in life.

Family of Origin and the Blueprint for Love

Our family of origin — the family we grew up in — doesn’t just give us our name or traditions. It teaches us how to love and be loved.

If you grew up around open communication, emotional presence, and healthy boundaries, you're more likely to mirror those behaviors in your adult relationships. But if you witnessed emotional neglect, manipulation, constant tension, or abuse, you may unconsciously repeat or accept those patterns — even if they cause pain.

This isn't about blame — it's about understanding.
Our early experiences shape us, but they don’t define our future.

How This Shows Up in Adult Relationships

Your early attachment experiences affect:

How you express your needs and respond to conflict
Whether you fear closeness or abandonment
How you choose partners, friends, or how you parent
Whether you feel worthy of love or are constantly anxious about losing it

If you’ve ever wondered why certain dynamics repeat in your relationships — or why certain triggers feel so intense — reflecting on your early experiences may offer insight.

Healing Is Possible

The good news? You are not stuck with the relationship blueprint you inherited.
Through self-awareness, intentional work, and therapy, you can learn to recognize unhealthy patterns, heal attachment wounds, and cultivate more secure connections.

At Oak and Stone Therapy, we support individuals, couples, and families in exploring the impact of early attachment and family of origin dynamics. Many of our clients—particularly in Los Angeles, Pasadena, Bay Area, Seattle, and across Asia — come to us seeking to understand the root of their relationship struggles and how to shift toward healthier patterns.

Reflection

Now I invite you to reflect:

What did you learn about love growing up in your home?
How might that still be affecting your relationships with your partner, friends, children, or family?

This awareness is the first step toward healing—and toward building the kind of relationships you’ve always hoped for.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is a Korean American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she provides therapy in person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. Many of her clients identify as Asian American creatives, including actors, writers, celebrities, and producers in the entertainment industry. She shares mental health insights on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.

Relationship CounselingAsian American TherapyAsian Therapist

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com