The Hidden Emotional Cost of Constant Progress

So many of us have been taught that moving forward, onward, and upward is the definition of success. The next grade. The next job. The next pay raise. The next home. The next milestone. In this framework, growth is always linear, measurable, and public.

We celebrate birthdays, promotions, anniversaries, educational degrees, and how many years we’ve been in relationships or careers. We admire maturity, wisdom, and evolution. We expect that—no matter where we are—we should always be growing, improving, and leveling up.

These values were ingrained in me as a second-generation Asian American woman, and to be honest, I still live by them on most days.

But lately, I’ve been wondering: at what cost? When is it enough? What is the goal? Who is it really for?

The Hidden Emotional Cost of Constant Progress

In my work as a therapist, I often hear people say:

• “I thought I’d be further along by now.”

• “I’ve accomplished so much, but I feel empty.”

• “I can’t slow down—I’ll fall behind.”

• “I’m doing everything ‘right,’ but my relationships are falling apart.”

And I get it. So much of our identity has been tied to our output, success, and progress that we lose sight of what really matters: love, connection, meaning, presence.

When I speak with clients of all ages, I notice a common thread across the lifespan:

Children rarely grieve what they didn’t achieve. They grieve a lack of connection—feeling unseen, misunderstood, or emotionally distant from their caregivers.

Older adults rarely regret not accomplishing more. They reflect on relationships that were lost, unresolved conflict, or love that went unspoken. What they celebrate are not awards or milestones—but the people who stood by them through life’s hardest seasons.

Adults in between? They’re often stuck in a middle ground of ambition, self-criticism, comparison, and burnout—torn between the expectations they inherited and the disconnection they feel now. And often, they don’t know how to step off the treadmill without feeling like they’re failing.

Therapy for Redefining Success, Healing Burnout, and Reconnecting

At Oak & Stone Therapy, our team of Asian and Asian American therapists works with adults, parents, professionals, and caregivers who feel the emotional toll of chasing progress without pause. We specialize in helping clients:

• Heal from burnout, anxiety, and self-worth tied to achievement

• Reconnect with emotional intimacy in relationships

• Work through cultural and intergenerational expectations

• Navigate grief, life transitions, and identity shifts

• Rebuild connection with themselves and others

Whether you’re an overachiever, an exhausted parent, a high-functioning professional, or someone trying to break generational cycles—you are not alone in feeling this way.

What If You Reprioritized What Truly Matters?

My hope is that we begin to redefine what it means to live well—to value connection over comparison, presence over productivity, and relationships over performance.

Because meaningful, safe, emotionally fulfilling relationships have never been anyone’s regret. But they are often the first things sacrificed in our pursuit of progress.

So I ask you gently:
Has your growth come at the cost of your connection?
Is it time to pause and re-align?

If you’re ready to begin that journey, we’re here to help.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she specializes in Asian American mental health, the struggle of high-achieving people, and how therapy can help deepen people’s connection with the self and others. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.