Finding Your Way with Family Wealth

I know what you might be thinking—if you don’t come from wealth, it’s easy to wonder, “What problems could someone who’s rich possibly have?” And on the surface, that’s fair. Financial security takes away a very real kind of stress. But like so many things in life, the truth is more layered. Sometimes that old phrase rings painfully true: mo money, mo problems.

Now I want to speak to those of you who do come from families with wealth.

If you grew up with financial stability, you already know it doesn’t necessarily make your relationship with money simple. Especially in many Asian American families, wealth often comes with emotional layers often shaped by family history, cultural values, legacy, and the weight of unspoken expectations.

The Emotional Weight of Legacy

When money is a part of your family story, it can bring with it a quiet pressure that’s hard to name. Maybe there’s an expectation to uphold a certain image. Maybe there’s an unspoken plan for you to take over, lead, or preserve something you never asked for. Maybe you’ve internalized the belief that there’s only one “right” way to handle what’s been handed to you…and the consequences of getting it wrong feel too big to risk.

In Asian American families, wealth is rarely just about the money. It’s about who you are. About what you represent. About responsibility and respect. About making your parents proud. About keeping the family story going in the “right” way.

That kind of pressure doesn’t always show up loudly. But it’s there…in the way you make decisions, in how you carry guilt, and in what you allow yourself to want.

Mental Health Struggles That Don’t Get Talked About

A lot of clients I work with share this quiet disorientation: “If I’m not focused on survival… who am I?” When everything has already been built for you, carving your own path can feel both liberating and deeply destabilizing.

You may want something different, but also feel guilty for wanting it.

You may long for boundaries, but fear that asking for space might be seen as disrespect.

You may be carrying deep gratitude and yet, there’s still a part of you that feels trapped, or unseen, or simply tired.

Money doesn’t make family conflict disappear. It can actually make it harder. Decisions about how to spend, save, share, or protect the family’s resources can stir up old resentment, trigger power dynamics, and deepen existing rifts. Even when no one is saying anything out loud, the tension is there—subtle, but ever-present.

And when it comes to relationships, the questions can get even more tangled.

• Would they still love me if they didn’t know what I had?

• Am I being valued for who I am—or what I represent?

• If I’m not the provider, the stable one, the “together” one… do I still belong?

Then there’s that creeping sense of what now? You’ve reached a level of success others dream about. You’ve checked all the boxes. But instead of peace, you feel a strange restlessness. “I have everything I was told to want… so why do I still feel like something’s missing?”

What Therapy Can Offer

Therapy gives you a space where you don’t have to have it all figured out. Where you don’t have to be impressive, responsible, or performative. You get to show up as a whole person…not a role, not a title, not a provider.

Together, we can begin to:

• Explore where your identity feels inherited versus where it’s waiting to be reclaimed.

• Make sense of the guilt that shows up when you start setting boundaries.

• Grieve the moments you didn’t feel free to make your own choices.

• Get clear on what you want—not just what’s expected of you.

• Repair your relationship with trust and authenticity in friendships, dating, or partnerships, especially when you’re not sure if people are seeing you or your last name, career, or lifestyle.

Therapy can also help you rebuild clarity and confidence around who you are outside of your financial role. What brings you joy…not just status? What kind of life feels meaningful? What would freedom actually look like—not as rebellion, but as truth?

A New Way to Hold Legacy

Being a steward of intergenerational wealth especially in Asian American families comes with both privilege and complexity. And you’re allowed to hold both.

You’re allowed to honor your family’s sacrifices and your own needs.

You’re allowed to be proud of what they built and want to build something different.

You’re allowed to choose your own path and to trust that the people who love you most will still want to walk alongside you.

Healing your relationship with money, legacy, and mental health doesn’t mean rejecting your past. It means integrating it. It means finding your voice inside the story you inherited and making room for a future that’s truly yours.

You’re not just inheriting something.

You’re also becoming someone.

Read more about navigating first-generation wealth as a child of immigrants here.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she specializes in Asian American mental health and understands the nuances of how our relationship with money, first-generation wealth, and intergenerational wealth impact our mental health. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.