Finding Your Way with Family Wealth

I know what you might be thinking—if you don’t identify as someone with intergenerational wealth: “What problem could someone who’s rich possibly have?” And on the surface, that’s fair. Financial stability removes a very real kind of stress. But sometimes, the old saying rings true: “Mo money, mo problems.”

Now I want to speak to those of you who do come from families with wealth. If you’ve grown up with financial security, you know that the relationship with money isn’t always simple. In many Asian American families where wealth has been established, it often carries an emotional weight—shaped by family history, cultural values, and unspoken expectations about legacy and responsibility.

Financial stability may be a given. But navigating the emotional and relational complexities that come with wealth is rarely straightforward.

The Weight of Legacy

When wealth is part of your family story, it often comes with a pressure that’s hard to name. Maybe you feel the need to uphold a certain image. Or the expectation to take over, lead, or manage something you never asked for. Maybe you sense there’s a “right” way to use the family’s resources—and the cost of not doing it “right” feels heavy.

For many Asian Americans, this isn’t just about money. It’s about identity. Filial piety. Collective pride. The deep-rooted belief that we are responsible for more than just ourselves. In that context, wealth becomes entangled with loyalty, duty, and whether we feel worthy or loved.

The Mental Health STruggle is Real

It’s common to feel unsure of who you are when survival isn’t the focus. If everything has already been built for you, carving out your own path—one that might look different from your family’s—can feel both empowering and destabilizing. You may feel gratitude and guilt at the same time. You may want to honor your family’s sacrifice, but also long for something different. And sometimes, you’re not sure you’re allowed to want that.

Family dynamics can also become more complicated with wealth in the picture. Conflict over decision-making, differing visions for how money should be used, or inheritance planning can resurface old wounds or deepen unspoken resentments. And even when you try to avoid those conversations, the tension is often still there—quiet, but persistent.

There’s also the fear of mismanaging what you’ve been given. Many clients share an underlying anxiety: “What if I mess this up? What if I’m the one who loses everything?” That kind of pressure can feel isolating.

Then there’s the relational piece. When wealth is part of your identity, it can be hard to trust whether people see you—or what you represent. You may wonder, “Would they love me if they didn’t know what I have?” or “Would they stay if they weren’t benefiting from me?”

And perhaps most disorienting of all is the question: “What now?” When financial needs are met, when you’ve achieved what others told you to aim for—what’s left? Many clients describe a quiet restlessness. A sense of: “I have everything I was supposed to want. So why do I still feel like something is missing?”

What Therapy Can Offer

Therapy offers space to make sense of all this—without judgment, without the pressure to perform or explain. It’s a place where you can untangle the layers of expectation, explore what you truly want, and figure out how to live more fully aligned with your values—not just your family’s.

Together, we might explore where your identity feels like it was handed to you, and where it’s waiting to be reclaimed. We can name the guilt that comes from wanting boundaries, the grief of not always feeling free, and the fear that choosing your own path might mean losing connection with those you love most.

We also look at how wealth impacts your relationships—romantic, familial, social. What happens when you feel the need to downplay your success? When you wonder if your friends would still choose you if they knew your story? When “authenticity” feels like a risk?

Therapy can help you build clarity around who you are outside of your financial role. What brings you peace—not just status? What relationships feel truly mutual? What would freedom look like for you? Not in rebellion—but in truth.

A New Way to Hold Legacy

Being a steward of intergenerational wealth—especially in Asian American families—comes with both privilege and complexity. But your identity is more than what’s been passed down.

You’re allowed to choose your own path.
You’re allowed to want something different.
You’re allowed to hold your family’s sacrifices and honor your own inner voice.

Healing your relationship with wealth, identity, and mental health isn’t about rejecting your past. It’s about integrating it. It’s about writing a story that feels whole—one where your well-being matters as much as your legacy.

And where you're no longer just inheriting something... you're also becoming someone.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she specializes in Asian American mental health and understands the nuances of how our relationship with money, first-generation wealth, and intergenerational wealth impact our mental health. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.