Therapy for Interracial Couples: Experience Harmony that Doesn’t Overlook Your Differences
You didn’t set out with the intention of getting into an interracial relationship, but here you are. And it’s been great! So much of it, at least. You get each other’s humor and have enjoyed sharing in each other’s culture. But recently… it’s been hard. The quirky differences you used to enjoy about your partner have warped into seemingly unresolvable points of conflict.
Obviously, you know you have interpersonal differences, but what other factors might play a role in your conflicts? Family differences, culture, even race? It can feel threatening to consider if or how race and culture may impact your conflicts, especially if you’ve had to resist skepticism from others about the interracial nature of your relationship. However, it’s becoming clearer that you have to take a harder look into all aspects of your dynamic. You’ll have to create entirely new way of interacting to make this relationship work.
And So, You’re Looking into Couples Therapy
It’s scary to look for a couple’s therapist and willingly invite a stranger into the complicated intricacies of your lives. And it would be quite normal for you to fear that the couple’s therapist might align more with your partner and their experience. If you add in the racial/cultural elements of your relationship, there’s even more room to be misunderstood.
Couples therapy should feel safe for everyone, so you need a therapist who will not only appreciate the nuances of your relationship but will also provide you with new insights. When it comes to your interracial couple dynamic, I would hate for you to feel like you are doing the work of educating your therapist so that they can start their work. That sounds exhausting. And you’re done with being exhausted.
Couples Therapy with me Can Look like:
Having a therapist who is not afraid of talking about race
Having someone else understand and help you make sense of your experiences
Validating the ways you’ve coped to navigate your relationship
Naming your differences and how they help shape your conjoint identity
Shifting from blame and conflict to understanding and harmony
Exploring new dynamics or rituals that honor both you and your backgrounds
Experience more respect and peace in the relationship
I may not understand the particularities of your cultures. However, I feel confident in assisting you in naming the complexities and in continuing to explore your conjoint identity in a way that recognizes your differences as complementary strengths rather than divisive points of conflict.
If you’re ready to further explore and strengthen your relationship, contact me and we can see if we’d be a good fit to work together.
Read my other blog post on How to Set Healthy Boundaries for Asians who Struggle.
About the Author
Samuel Kim, LMFT #141541 is an Asian licensed marriage and family therapist at Oak and Stone Therapy and identifies as a third culture kid (TCK) who is also in an interracial marriage. He offers online therapy services tailored for individuals and couples across Los Angeles, the San Francisco Bay area, and expats living abroad in Asia, Latin America, & Europe. Samuel focuses on supporting adult children of immigrants, third culture kids, interracial couples, and expats navigating cross-cultural contexts, anxiety, imposter syndrome, family of origin traumas, burnout, and relationship challenges for couples.
