Giving Voice to Pain: Healing As Children of Immigrants
As children of immigrants, our emotional struggles can often be left unspoken — sometimes minimized, sometimes misunderstood. However, when we don't give voice to our pain and fail to make the connection between our experiences and how they shape who we believe we are, how we react, and how we engage with our lives, we are often left to internalize distress in painful ways.
We may shame ourselves.
We may self-sabotage.
We may store unprocessed pain in our physiological bodies, where it lingers beneath the surface as anxiety, depression, relational struggles, or physical symptoms.
Giving voice to our experiences is one of the most compassionate and nurturing things we can do for ourselves — especially for those of us taught to suppress emotional vulnerability in favor of strength, obedience, or resilience.
Without making sense of what has happened to us — whether it's intergenerational trauma, racialized experiences, family expectations, or moments of personal heartbreak — we often end up turning on ourselves.
We don’t need to turn on ourselves to survive.
We can choose differently.
We can pay attention to what is happening within us — emotionally, cognitively, relationally, and physiologically.
We can name the old survival messages that get triggered:
I'm not good enough.
I have to handle this alone.
It's weak to need help.
My needs don't matter.
We can practice self-compassion.
We can learn to separate outdated shame from present truth.
And we can begin to take an empowered stance: trusting that we are worthy of care, worthy of connection, worthy of boundaries, worthy of love — exactly as we are.
Reflection
How have the stressors of recent years — isolation, uncertainty, cultural pressures — shaped your inner world?
What parts of your story are still waiting for you to give them voice and tenderness?
Healing, especially for Asian Americans and children of immigrants carrying both visible and invisible emotional wounds, starts by allowing ourselves to be heard — first by ourselves, and eventually, within relationships that honor our full humanity.
You are good enough.
You are lovable.
You are capable of choosing safety, connection, and healing — one choice, one conversation, one moment of courage at a time.
Hatty J. Lee, LMFT (she/her) is an Asian American licensed marriage and family therapist and brainspotting practitioner who has been practicing for 14 years in community mental health settings, schools, and private practice virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California. As the founder and clinical director of a group practice called Oak and Stone Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she trains clinicians and supports people to deepen their relationship with themselves and the most important people in their lives. She writes about mental health on her Instagram and is the co-author of The Indwell Guide that integrates visual storytelling, mental health education, and practical tools to support people to heal and thrive.
