How does therapy support Asian American mental health?

Therapy provides a safe space to heal intergenerational trauma, manage career stress, overcome creative blocks, and navigate cultural identity challenges. Services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy available in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, and across California.

What mental health issues commonly affect Asian American communities?

Common concerns include anxiety, depression, perfectionism, impostor syndrome, family pressures, relationship challenges, and creative blocks. Asian American therapists at Oak and Stone Therapy provide culturally sensitive support using Brainspotting, EMDR, and other healing modalities.

Is culturally sensitive therapy important for BIPOC and children of immigrants?

Yes, culturally sensitive therapy acknowledges racial identity, cultural values, and intergenerational expectations. Our services include Brainspotting and EMDR therapy adapted to the needs of BIPOC and first-generation clients across California.

Who can benefit from Oak and Stone Therapy's blog?

Our blog supports Korean Americans, Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian, Singaporean, Filipino, and other East and South Asian communities, as well as BIPOC individuals and first-generation Americans seeking emotional growth, resilience, and culturally sensitive therapy options like Brainspotting and EMDR.

Why Trust in Relationships Depends on Predictability: An Asian American Therapist's Perspective

Relationships

May 3

Written By Hatty J. Lee

One of the most foundational elements in any healing relationship is trust. As a therapist, I see again and again how therapy requires both learning to become a trustworthy person and learning how to trust safe people.

Trust is not static—it moves along a continuum depending on your past experiences, the nature of the relationship, your emotional state, and your environment. You can trust someone more or less depending on what’s happening in the relationship at any given time.

And while trust involves many components—truth-telling, emotional attunement, empathy—today I want to focus on one often-overlooked pillar: predictability.

Predictability Builds Emotional Safety

In our fast-paced culture, predictability often gets a bad rap. It’s seen as boring or rigid. But in therapy and in life, predictability is what creates emotional safety. It helps us know what to expect, how to prepare emotionally, and whether we’re truly safe in a relationship.

Here’s an example I often use in session:

If we were scheduled to meet for therapy 10 times, but I only showed up for 1 or 2 sessions, would you trust me to show up to the 11th? What if I came to 5 out of 10? 6? 7? Most people say they wouldn’t fully trust me again unless I had shown up 9 out of 10 times.

That’s a 90% reliability rate.

This 90% predictability threshold applies to many areas of life:

The consistency of chores being completed at home
The likelihood of a partner telling the truth during conflict
The dependability of a friend showing up on time
The emotional availability of a parent to respond lovingly
The follow-through of a colleague or partner on commitments

Why Frequency Isn’t the Same as Trustworthiness

Many clients get stuck in relational power struggles, trying to “prove” how many times they did something right:

“But I did the dishes yesterday!”
“I told the truth most of the time!”
“I showed up to most of your events!”

But what matters isn’t how many times you do something well. It’s how consistently you do it when given the opportunity.

Taking out the trash once might seem helpful—but if there were 20 opportunities to do so that week, that’s only a 5% predictability rate. Not exactly trust-building behavior.

Therapy for Rebuilding Trust in Relationships

At Oak & Stone Therapy, our team of Asian American therapists support individuals and couples who are working through:

Broken trust in relationships
Emotional disconnection in marriage
Inconsistent caregiving in family systems
Cultural communication breakdowns (especially for adult children of immigrants)
Difficulty trusting others due to past trauma or betrayal

Whether you're seeking couples therapy, individual support, or therapy for family conflict, we help you move beyond just “trying harder” and into cultivating consistent, intentional relational patterns that support real healing.

Be the Person You’d Want to Trust

The next time a conflict about trust arises, pause before defending your “track record.” Instead, ask:

How predictable am I in this relationship?
Do I follow through on what I say I’ll do—most of the time?
Am I creating a safe and consistent presence for the people I love?

You can’t control how others behave, but you can choose how trustworthy, consistent, and emotionally available you want to be.

This is one of the quietest and most powerful ways to change the dynamic of a relationship—by becoming the person you’d want to trust.

About the Author

Hatty J. Lee, LMFT #53772 (she/her) is an Asian American marriage and family therapist, Brainspotting practitioner, and founder of Oak and Stone Therapy. With over 15 years of experience in community mental health, schools, and private practice, she specializes in Asian American mental health and understands the nuances of how our relationship with money, first-generation wealth, and intergenerational wealth impact our mental health. Hatty provides therapy at the Los Angeles office, Pasadena office, and virtually throughout California and Seoul, South Korea. You can learn more about her insights on her Instagram and her book The Indwell Guide, a visual storytelling and mental health guide that offers practical tools to support healing and self-discovery.

Asian American TherapyAsian TherapistRelationship Counseling

Hatty J. Lee

Oak & Stone Therapy is a team of Asian American therapists who offers individual, couples, child and teens, and family therapy virtually across California and in-person in Los Angeles and Pasadena, California.

http://www.oakandstonetherapy.com